RPG Design: Non-Human PCs

This week, I wanted to touch on an important related design issue that is very hard to do well, Non-Human PCs:

This isn't really a concern for my rule set, being Swords & Sorcery-themed and, unsurprisingly, humanocentric.  However, Non-Human PCs being believable are a concern for any RPG that incorporates High Fantasy and/or Science Fiction elements, which is a whole boatload of them- everything from D&D to Shadowrun to Star Wars.

Of course, what constitutes "believable" depends upon the level of immersion that the RPG purports to have.  For example, for B/X D&D's simplified rules set, where Demi-Humans are effectively the "multi-class option," as Race-as-Class mostly works.

However, for deeper levels of immersion, a lack of believability can be a problem for those who value verisimilitude.  As a world building task, it's quite hard work to develop a truly alien mind set, belief system, culture, history, etc.

Consequently, most RPGs (and other media) cut corners.  In High Fantasy, Non-Human species are typically the Tolkien standards, blatant Tolkien ripoffs or weird monocultures such as Scottish Dwarves.  Science Fiction is even worse, where most aliens are just Aliens with Forehead Ridges.

One of the few RPGs to do Non-Humans right is 2300 AD (originally titled Traveller: 2300, as the game as supposed to be a prequel to Traveller), from the genetically-engineered Pentapod to the vicious Kafers (a name based on the German word Käfer, meaning "beetle").  Culture, motivations and otherness are all done well and add to the aliens' strangeness.

The game is definitely worth a look to see how GDW handled the Non-Humans, as well as interesting relatively hard Science Fiction world building in general.  Except for having France be the reigning superpower, which shatters suspension of disbelief.

Being creative is hard, so the state of Non-Human PCs in RPGs is somewhat understandable.  However, sometimes avoidance is the best strategy (*cough*Swords & Sorcery*cough*).

Design Philosophy, Revisited

So, it's been a couple years since I started this blog, and with the first public playtest of my rules set, Sorcery & Steel, under my belt, I thought it would be a good time to look back and see how S&S matches up thus far to my stated Design Philosophy.

As I mentioned earlier, with Sorcery & Steel, I want to create an "Old School" (e.g., traditional GM authority, player skill over character skill, Combat as War, etc.) rules set that combines "enough" interesting tactical options with also "reasonably" fast speed of play (i.e., a rules set that achieves Old School-style Tactical Depth at relatively low cost in terms of Complexity).  Here, "enough" and "reasonably" reflect my opinion and YMMV.

Overall, I'm pretty satisfied with how Sorcery & Steel is coming along.  In order to be an Old School game with both tactical depth and streamlined gameplay, I front-loaded a lot of the mechanical crunch, especially into Character Creation/Character Advancement.  However, as one of my players put it, once you finish making a PC and understand the basic gist of the game, it generally runs very smoothly.

Also, speaking of Character Creation/Character Advancement, I adopted both random roll and point buy elements, since I believe that Character Classes are good from a design POV in that they provide players with an easy guide to how to conceptualize and to how play their PC, but I wanted a bit more flexibility.  The end result is more of Archetype-style PCs, where the player has an overall direction for the character but still has plenty of room to customize to suit.

In addition to the above design goals, I want S&S to able to handle Swords & Sorcery-flavored adventures and adventures where Investigation is a key component.  In terms of the former, I think S&S is okay at Swords & Sorcery in terms of gritty, lower-powered fantasy (e.g., I lowered and flattered the power curve) but I did stay away from some classic Swords & Sorcery tropes (e.g., all sorcerers are evil).

In terms of the latter, S&S is inspired, in part, by the seminal work in the field of Investigation-based RPGs, Call of Cthulhu.  CoC's mechanics are rock solid, remaining largely unchanged through seven editions and nearly four decades.  Unsurprisingly, given the CoC inspiration, Horror, particularly Lovecraftian Horror, also provides a good deal of flavor to my rules set and has worked out pretty well in actual play.


However, while the basic building blocks seem to be in place, there's still plenty of tweaking and refining to do.  For example, I just completed the first major overhaul to Character Creation/Character Advancement, boosting a bit the power of starting characters.

加油!

Literature Review: "Shadows in Zamboula" (1935)

It's been a while since I've covered anything Swords & Sorcery.  So, this week, I wanted to discuss another one of best Conan the Barbarian yarns, wherein Messr Howard skillfully blends both Swords & Sorcery and straight Horror elements, the classic tale "Shadows in Zamboula":

"PERIL hides in the house of Aram Baksh!"

So exhorts an elderly desert nomad to Conan, trying to warn the barbarian against staying in a suspiciously cut rate tavern in Zamboula, run by the aforementioned Aram Baksh.  However, Conan  is almost broke, having already sold his horse, and has already prepaid for the room so...

I typically prefer the Conan stories with everyone's favorite Cimmerian as a wandering adventurer rather than as a king/general.  "Shadows in Zamboula" falls into the former category, which finds our protagonist once again somewhat down on his luck in Zamboula, a melting pot of different peoples:

"Here, centuries ago, the armies of Stygia had come, carving an empire out of the eastern desert. Zamboula was but a small trading town then, lying amidst a ring of oases, and inhabited by descendants of nomads. The Stygians built it into a city and settled it with their own people, and with Shemite and Kushite slaves. The ceaseless caravans, threading the desert from east to west and back again, brought riches and more mingling of races. Then came the conquering Turanians, riding out of the East to thrust back the boundaries of Stygia, and now for a generation Zamboula had been Turan's westernmost outpost, ruled by a Turanian satrap."

Conan doesn't have to wait long for his next plot coupon as that very night, the local cannibals attempt to ambush the Cimmerian in the room that Aram Baksh cunningly trapped to assist the cannibals but the maneaters end up on the wrong side of a broadsword.  However, before the barbarian can even the score with the innkeeper he has to save a damsel in distress and then open up a big can of whoop ass on some evil cultists.

He also dispenses some frontier justice on Aram Baksh before leaving town.

As befits a ripping S&S yarn, "Shadows in Zamboula" features Howard's vigorous and imaginative writing.  The story leaps from the page with only an economy of words.  Conan murders a bunch of evil doers and also proves to be cleverer than he looks: throughout much of the novelette, the barbarian is seemingly led around by his penis, but in fact is nobody's fool, which leads to a nice twist ending.

A fun, fast pulp fiction romp, "Shadows in Zamboula" is filled with action and has a nice blend of mystery, horror, dark sorcery and a bit of nudity.  A must read for fans of Swords & Sorcery!

Movie Review: Hundra (1983)

Last year, I gave a shout out to one of my favorite cheesy 80s Swords & Sorcery romps, "Red Sonja".

This week, I wanted to take a look at another 80s Swords & Sorcery yarn featuring a sword-wielding female barbarian that, by contrast, had far too much bad to be So Good, It's Bad, "Hundra":

The set up is fairly typical for an 80s barbarian flick (e.g., The Beastmaster (1982)): Hundra (played by Laurene Landon) and her tribe are living peacefully when their village is suddenly attacked without warning by raiders, who slaughter everyone except the main character.  Now, Hundra is off on a quest for vengeance.

The particular twist here is that Hundra's tribe is all-female, and Hundra is the most all-female of them all, having never been with a man and being loudly misandrist (e.g., she berates her faithful dog for being male).  So, when she travels to the tribe's old wise woman after the massacre, she is taken aback when the latter tells her that she must breed to repopulate the tribe!

Of course, pretty much all men in movie are terrible, if not downright rapists, so, as you might expect, many of them die on Hundra's blade.

I wanted to like "Hundra" but it's just not good: the acting is terrible even for a low budget 80s Italian-Spanish production.  Laurene Landon is the only one who's even competent and while she makes for a striking and statuesque figure, Landon plays things far too straight for the film to have camp value.

Also, the fight scenes are poorly choreographed and the "humor" is often tonally jarring and out of place (e.g., random farting noises).  And the film is far too rapey for a rollicking swashbuckler.

So, if you want to watch a Swords & Sorcery with a strong female lead, go watch Red Sonja again (I've done so dozens of times and still find it quite amusing).  If you still have some spare time and are a completist of Swords & Sorcery films, maybe think about this movie.

RPG Game Play: Investigations

Over the years, as my tastes as a tabletop RPG GM have moved away from High Fantasy and toward Swords & Sorcery, my games have tended to become deadlier and more Old School for PCs.  Consequently, my games have also moved away from emphasizing combat and toward problem solving.  A type of problem solving that often comes up is Investigations.

So, this week, I wanted to take a look at Investigations in RPGs.

In terms of preparing an Investigation adventure, whether PCs are uncovering a conspiracy, solving a murder or finding a MacGuffin, the first thing to do as a GM is to have a firm grasp on the background and the details.  While preparation is always important for a GM, when running an Investigation adventure, it is even more so since there's a good chance that the Players will be coming up with ideas and approaches that you hadn't considered (despite that preparation) and you really need to keep the details in your head while thinking on your toes.

Whew!

Next, for a successful Investigation adventure, it really helps to have a gripping plot/scenario to grab and to hold the Players' interest.  Feel free to shamelessly rip off ideas from your favorite books, movies, TV shows... BUT do try to mix things up enough so that your Players don't realize what you are doing.  So, you want to be "Episode IV: A New Hope" (1977) (which took a LOT of ideas from "Hidden Fortress" (1958), the epic jidaigeki adventure film directed by the legendary Kurosawa Akira) and not this:

After you've worked out the plot/scenario for your Investigation, next you need to set up clues.  Lots and lots of clues.  Never underestimate the likelihood that the PCs will reach a dead end.  Thus, Justin Alexander's Three Clue Rule is a good general rule of thumb.  Furthermore, if the PCs are really stuck, consider dropping hints and even clues until they can get moving again.

Additionally, I like to also add interesting the NPCs and challenges that the PCs will face during the Investigation.  This isn't strictly necessary, but, for example, a great and engaging villain, such as Strahd von Zarovich can elevate a good adventure to a great one.

In terms of challenging the Players' minds, Investigations can be a great option if properly planned and executed.  And, as I mentioned above, they can fit in with a variety of genres.  So, if your band of murderhobos is tired of murdering their umpteenth tribe of green skins, consider throwing an Investigation at them.

Movie Review: "Fire and Ice" (1983)

This week, I wanted to give a shout out to perhaps the most ambitious barbarian-themed fantasy film produced in the wake of "Conan the Barbarian" (1982), the classic animated Swords & Sorcery yarn, "Fire and Ice":

In "Fire and Ice," the evil Queen Juliana of Icepeak and her sociopathic and totally not gay son, Lord Nekron, seek to conquer the world with dark sorcery by unleashing a seemingly unstoppable glacier.  As the glacier nears the last free kingdom of Firekeep, subhuman minions from Icepeak kidnap the scantily-clad Princess Teegra to marry Nekron.

Teegra escapes and meets up with Larn, a handsome hunky barbarian warrior wearing only a loincloth, the displaced survivor of a village destroyed by the glacier.  After Larn is knocked unconscious and Teegra is once again kidnapped by the subhumans, we meet the real star of the show, the mysterious badass who's so mysterious that his name is never given in the movie (although he's called Darkwolf in the credits)!  Thus, when we watched this flick in the ancient 80s, my friend Chris dubbed him "Cat Dude".

All we ever learn about Cat Dude is that he's a ridiculous badass and an unstoppable murder machine. While Larn is the ostensible hero of the film, Cat Dude is the one who actually gets things done.  

Things end up as you might expect from a Swords & Sorcery yarn (hint, it involves Cat Dude's axe and Nekron's chest).

"Fire and Ice" is a basic good vs. evil story and if that's how you judge this movie, it's not very good as the plot is straightforward and the second act drags a bit.  However, as collaboration between noted animation director Ralph Bakshi and his long-time friend, the all-time great fantasy illustrator Frank Frazetta, it's metal!

The film is basically a Frazetta painting turned into a movie, which is unsurprising since Frazetta provided the character designs and the fantasy setting.  There's many a mighty thew and scantily clad bosom to be found, and the flick is visually stunning, depicting a savage and primitive world filled with horrific monstrosities, weird and wild landscapes, lost ancient civilizations and copious amounts of dark sorcery.

Also notable is the film's use of rotoscoping, in which scenes were shot in live action and then traced onto animation cels, as with Bakshi's earlier adaptation of Lord of the Rings.  This provides an amazing sense of realism to the characters' motions.

For comparison, here is actress Cynthia Leake:

And here is Princess Teegra:

So, if you want to see an epic animated Swords & Sorcery yarn featuring barbarians, buxom babes, and lots of things getting murdered, check out this overlooked gem!  

Literature Review: "The Tower of the Elephant" (1933)

This week, in honor of R.E. Howard's birthday on January 22nd, I wanted to give a shout out to another ripping yarn by the greatest of Swords & Sorcery authors, "The Tower of the Elephant":

adapted as part of the 1982 Conan the Barbarian film.


owned by the evil sorceror Yara

black magic


mystery

Ahead of him he saw, looming against the sky, the Tower of the Elephant. He mused, wondering why it was so named. No one seemed to know. He had never seen an elephant, but he vaguely understood that it was a monstrous animal, with a tail in front as well as behind. This a wandering Shemite had told him, swearing that he had seen such beasts by the thousands in the country of the Hyrkanians; but all men knew what liars were the men of Shem.

gonzo, sci-fi elements

D&D adventure

meet up of PCs

Conan sensed the man's great belly shaking in laughter, but it was not derisive. "By Bel, god of thieves!" hissed Taurus. "I had thought only myself had courage to attempt that poaching. These Zamorians call themselves thieves—bah! Conan, I like your grit. I never shared an adventure with anyone, but by Bel, we'll attempt this together if you're willing."

compassion

Tears rolled from the sightless eyes, and Conan's gaze strayed to the limbs stretched on the marble couch. And he knew the monster would not rise to attack him. He knew the marks of the rack, and the searing brand of the flame, and tough­souled as he was, he stood aghast at the ruined deformities which his reason told him had once been limbs as comely as his own. And suddenly all fear and repulsion went from him, to be replaced by a great pity. What this monster was, Conan could not know, but the evidences of its sufferings were so terrible and pathetic that a strange aching sadness came over the Cimmerian, he knew not why. He only felt that he was looking upon a cosmic tragedy, and he shrank with shame, as if the guilt of a whole race were laid upon him.

Movie Review: 47 Ronin (2013)

This week, I wanted to take a look at a Flawed but Fun retelling of the epic true story of the forty-seven rōnin (四十七士 Shi-jū-shichi-shi, forty-seven samurai), "47 Ronin":

Based on the Akō incident (赤穂事件 Akō jiken), which is celebrated each year on December 14, "47 Ronin" is a fictionalized version of Akō incident that's further been reskinned as a Sword & Sorcery yarn.  This film follows the viewpoint of the fictional character Kai, a half-Japanese, half-English foundling who possesses certain preternatural abilities courtesy of being raised by the Tengu, which are Japanese spirits/demons.

Kai flees the Tengu and is found and raised by Lord Asano Naganori of the Akō Domain.  Although an outsider to the others of Lord Asano's household, Kai is treated kindly by the Lord and his daughter, Mika, with whom there's a predictable forbidden romance subplot.  Years later, Lord Asano is framed for the attempted murder of the rival Lord Kira (in real life Kira Yoshinaka was a high ranking government official rather than a rival lord) by witchcraft and is forced to commit seppuku (切腹, "cutting [the] Stomach/belly"), a form of Japanese ritual suicide by disembowelment.

Consequently, Lord Asano's samurai become ronin (masterless warriors), which drives the rest of the film.  Despite being specifically forbidden to seek revenge against Kira, the 47 Ronin (including Kai) carve a bloody path through anyone who stands in their way to avenge their fallen lord.

Overall, this movie is a mixed bag.  "47 Ronin" is serviceable as a popcorn flick and is a decent a Sword & Sorcery film, but there's no gravitas to the movie as there probably should be for a story (the Akō incident) that has become synonymous with loyalty, sacrifice, persistence, and honor in Japan.    The plot of "47 Ronin" is pretty much by numbers and Lord Kira is a 2D baddie (the film probably should have focused more on the witch, playing by Kikuchi Rinko, who at least did a fun job of chewing scenery).

By contrast, Keanu Reeves' acting as Kai is, as usual outside of a few roles, is pretty flat and doesn't do a good job of carrying the movie.  The production design is good and the action sequences are fun but not particularly memorable.  Some of the CGI looks bad.

I think that the accusations of "whitewashing," which likely affected the film's box office performance, are overblown in this particular case: while Kai is the main character of the film, his actions and abilities are explained in the Sword & Sorcery context and he doesn't particularly overshadow the other characters.

If anything, this movie should have more fully embraced and explored the supernatural and eldritch parts of Japanese myth and folklore, which would have made the film more distinctive.

Movie Review: "Ronal the Barbarian" (2011)

This week, I wanted to give a shout out to an interesting recent animated comedic Swords & Sorcery flick, "Ronal the Barbarian":

In "Ronal the Barbarian," our titular character is from the Barbarian tribe (yes, in this film, "Barbarian" is an ethnic identifier rather than a class), except, unlike all the other Barbarians, Ronal is weak, cowardly... and clever.  However, being an outlier proves to be a benefit when the evil Lord Volcazar, comes to kidnap the Barbarian tribe for a sorcerous ritual and mistakes Ronal for an average person rather than a Barbarian.

After Volcazar's men murder his uncle and raze his village, it's up to Ronal to save the surviving Barbarians with his new sidekick, the... amorous... Alibert the Bard.  Next, there's a putting the band together segment as Ronal "recruits" the rest of his adventuring party, Zandra the Shieldmaiden (which again is an ethnic identifier) and Elric the Elf.

Then, the party has to find the Sword of Kron (the only weapon able to defeat Volcazar) before time runs out.  Things end up pretty much as you might expect on this "definitely not a quest," although some tropes are inverted for comic purposes.

First off, I want to say that, while "Ronal the Barbarian" is animated in the style of a children's film (e.g., style, character design, etc.), this is an adult film.  Not pornographic, but definitely not for children, with copious amounts of foul language, T&A and sexual innuendo.  For example:

Elric: "My senses say that Ronal is in great dan-" 

Alibert: "We're fucked."

If they make a TV broadcast version, there will certainly be a lot of edits and/or bleeping!

This film is clearly influenced by Conan the Barbarian (1982) and is a parody or an homage of many other fantasy works and tropes.  It is also purportedly influenced by Heavy Metal, but evidence is scant (other than the movie being set in the world of Metalonia) and it lacks the awesome rock soundtrack of Korgoth of Barbarian.

Overall, "Ronal the Barbarian" is a solid but not spectacular movie.  Assuming one is the appropriate audience, this is a fun film, with plenty of slapstick, juvenile and sexually-based humor.  The animation is okay but not great, and the story is reasonably entertaining (there's an interesting face-heel turn that's unfortunately telegraphed from a mile away).

So, if you want to see an earnestly made animated Swords & Sorcery yarn that's heavy on comedy and fan service, check out this film!  

Literature Review: "The Seven Geases" (1934)

This week, I wanted to give a shout out to a really interesting vintage Swords & Sorcery tale, "The Seven Geases":

Written by Clark Ashton Smith (one of the Big Three of the Golden Age of Weird Fiction, alongside RE Howard and HP Lovecraft), "The Seven Geases" is part of the Hyperborean cycle, a fictional prehistoric setting influenced by Smith's friends Lovecraft and Howard that mixes Cosmic Horror with Iron Age technology, and part of the Cthulhu Mythos.

The story follows Ralibar Vooz, a Commoriom noble out to hunt some Voormis, a race of yeti-like bipeds.  Unfortunately for the warrior, he interrupts a sorcerer in the middle of a casting a spell:

"Know that I am the sorcerer Ezdagor," proclaimed the ancient, his voice echoing among the rocks with dreadful sonority. "By choice I have lived remote from cities and men; nor have the Voormis of the mountain troubled me in my magical seclusion. I care not if you are the magistrate of all swinedom or a cousin to the king of dogs. In retribution for the charm you have shattered, the business you have undone by this oafish trespass, I shall put upon you a most dire and calamitous and bitter geas."

As a punishment for his insolence, Ralibar Vooz is magically forced to venture into the depths to seek out the toad-like god Tsathoggua and to offer himself as a sacrifice.  (Un)fortunately, Tsathoggua has no need for the noble as a sacrifice and places a second geas upon him to seek out the spider-god Atlach-Nacha and to offer himself as a sacrifice.  So, once again, Ralibar Vooz battle his way through the darkness and horror, only to have a THIRD geas placed upon him!

This happens four more times.

First published in the October 1934 issue of Weird Tales, this is a fun, witty and well-written read.  I would say that "The Seven Geases" is *TECHNICALLY* a Swords & Sorcery story (in the sense that there are swords and sorcery present) but there's relatively little action.  Instead, the focus is more on Horror and Weird Fiction, as Ralibar Vooz has to put up with a *LOT* of crap.  Moreover, there's a dark sense of humor to this yarn, especially with the highly unexpected ending!

Also, if you like High Gygaxian (e.g., the 1e AD&D DMG), this yarn is filled with obscure SAT words!  Just the first paragraph features scaurs, scoriac, blazonries, and catoblepas!

Speaking of D&D, actually, it's a bit surprising that Messr Smith is absent from Appendix N of the 1e DMG, especially given that Smith's friends Lovecraft and Howard are listed and that "The Seven Geases" is likely the inspiration for the 6th level Geas spell:

Geas (Enchantment/Charm)

Level: 6      Components: V     Range: Touch      Casting Time: 4 segments     Duration: Special      Saving Throw: None     Area of Effect: Creature touched

Explanation/Description: A Geas spell places a magical command upon the creature (usually human or humanoid) to carry out some service, or refrain from same action or course of activity, as desired by the spell caster. The creature must be intelligent, conscious, and under its own volition. While a Geas cannot compel a creature to kill itself, or to perform acts which are likely to result in certain death, it can cause almost any other course of action. The spell causes the geased creature to follow the instructions until the Geas is completed. Failure to do so will cause the creature to grow sick and die within 1 to 4 weeks. Deviation from or twisting of the instructions causes corresponding loss of strength points until the deviation ceases. A Geas can be done away with by a Wish spell, but a Dispel Magic or Remove Curse will not negate it. Your referee will instruct you as to any additional details of a geas, for its casting and fulfilment are tricky. and an improperly cast Geas is null and void immediately (cf. Wish).

That's pretty much how it goes in this story.  There are also other classic D&Disms (e.g., underground action, the astral plane, etc.)

So, if you want to read a terrifying tale from one of the greats of Weird Fiction, check out this  ripping yarn!

Movie Review: The Sword and the Sorcerer (1982)

Sometimes, when I revisit a fondly remembered film from my youth, said film holds up despite the passage of time.  Sometimes, it doesn't.  The Sword and the Sorcerer falls into the latter category.

Not having seen The Sword and the Sorcerer in decades, I was hoping that this would be a masterwork, ala Conan the Barbarian (1982), even thought all I really remembered was Talon's *THREE* bladed sword, whose parallel blades shoot off!  Woo-hoo!  Seriously, at the time, I thought this sword was one of the coolest things ever.

However, on the re-watch, I found that the poor fight choreography, the preponderance of clichés, the special effects that haven't aged well and the easily correctable script problems were off-putting: For example, it's not spelled out, but Talon banging Princess Alana was probably incest.

Still, to be fair, The Sword and the Sorcerer is certainly not a poor Sword & Sorcery yarn.  I mean, there's a sword (with *THREE* blades!?!) and a sorcerer, can't be much more Sword & Sorcery than that, right?  Plus, it's got a hot princess (the super lovely Kathleen Beller), the requisite gore, violence and nudity for a Hard "R" and a story that zips along and that remains interesting, if sometimes goofy, throughout.

In The Sword and the Sorcerer, evil King Cromwell seeks to conquer the known world by resurrecting Xusia of Delos, an evil archmagus.  Team Evil's path to global domination begins by knocking over the peaceful Kingdom of Ehdan and murdering all of the Ehdanian royal family except for the youngest son, Talon, who gets away with the *THREE* bladed sword.  Then, Cromwell makes the smart play of trying to assassinate Xusia before the sorcerer inevitably turns on him.

Unfortunately, Cromwell mucks up the assassination and Xusia escapes.  Years later, both the surviving wizard and the surviving prince, now a famous mercenary leader, return to Ehdan to seek their vengeance.  The movie ends pretty much as you would expect.

Where The Sword and the Sorcerer is more impressive is how it differs from the host of other post-Conan fantasy action films: drawing much from Errol Flynn swashbucklers, the film laced with humor and Talon is as likely to fire off a quip as swing his sword.  Also, the double villain structure allows for some clever treachery and backstabbing.  And, the princess shows more spunk than the typical helpless damsel, using the patented knee to the balls technique.

Plus, Lee Horsely is a much, much, much better actor than Arnold Schwarzenegger.  For example, Messr Horsely plays Talon with easy wit and good comedic timing.  And director Albert Pyun isn't afraid to go after the laughs either: after the rousing "let's go save our leader" speech in the brothel, the movie immediately jump cuts to the would-be rescuers in the dungeon.  Hi*LAR*ious!

If you're looking for a fun, campy pulp action film and are willing to relax your brain, The Sword and the Sorcerer isn't a bad choice.  Alternately, if you want to see a sword with *THREE* blades, this is the movie for you!

Movie Review: The Beastmaster (1982)

Based (loosely) on the hugely influential and genre defining tales of R.E. Howard's legendary Swords & Sorcery protagonist, the 1982 film "Conan the Barbarian" was itself also hugely influential and genre defining, and spawned a host of imitators in the years that followed.  Of these, this week, I wanted to give a shout out to one of the best yarns produced in Arnie's long shadow, "The Beastmaster":

"The Beastmaster" begins with a prologue of sorts, where three witches with hideous faces but sexy bodies give high priest Maax (confusingly pronunced MAY-aks), played by Rip Torn, a prophecy that he'll die by the son of King Zed.  The King busts in, two of Maax's henchmen commit suicide for unclear reasons and everyone is surprisingly nonchalant.

Things get weirder when one of the hideous sexy witches manages to sneak into the royal bedchamber with a cow (!), to teleport the unborn prince from the Queen's womb into the cow's womb (!!)... even though the cow is male (!!!), and to sneak out.  After the cow gives birth to the prince, the hideous sexy witch attempts to ritually murder the infant, but the baby is saved by a timely passerby.

The child grows up to be Dar (played by Marc Singer), a farm boy unaware of his true lineage (where have we heard THAT before?).  Dar leads a simple but happy life and discovers his ability to communicate telepathically with animals.  Unfortunately, his village is massacred by the Jun Horde (and Maax, who's there as well for some reason), which sends Dar, who now only wears a few bits of strategically placed leather, out into the world to seek revenge.

In short order, Dar encounters his animal companions: an eagle (Sharak), a pair of ferrets (Kodo and Podo), and a black tiger (Ruh).  He also puts together a band of human heroes, including the former slave girl Kiri (played by the very lovely Tonya Roberts), whom many people feel is the best part of this movie.

The rest of the story meanders a fair bit, and the film's five act structure produces what feels like a false ending (especially since the real ending is not hugely necessary to the overall narrative), but the pacing is fast and the story is filled with interesting Swords & Sorcery moments, such as Dar's encounter with the weird bat creatures.

Immediately, one can see the "influences" of "Conan the Barbarian" on "The Beastmaster":

• Barbarian?  Check.
• Dark sorcery?  Check.
• Mighty thews?  Check.
• Quest for vengeance after village is massacred?  Check.
• Villain is the leader of a nefarious cult?  Check.

And so on.  However, one important difference between the Cimmerian and the Beastmaster is the  latter's twist on the genre (being able to telepathically communicate with animals), and this actually saves the entire film from being a complete ripoff, as it gives the titular character a unique skill set.

The film also feels quite different, partly because "The Beastmaster", unlike "Conan the Barbarian," has good amounts of mostly effective humor, which helps to alleviate the mostly hammy acting (the times that Dar is "speaking" to his eagle are painfully funny/bad).  Of course, hammy acting is sometimes actually a strength, such as Rip Torn spending the entire movie chewing scenery.

The film is goofy, mixed with sudden moments of grim dark (which the film doesn't dwell upon), and has plenty of cheese without crossing the line into outright camp.  Mostly.

Not certain how that bird can carry that child...

"The Beastmaster" is not a great movie but, if you accept it for what it is, it is great fun.  The flaws can be glaring, such as the poor fight choreography or the strange bits of plot (Dar's love interest is his cousin!).  However, there are also plenty of good points, such as the excellent costume design, excellent cinemotography, excellent work with animals and pretty decent practical and optical effects for the time.  Director Don Coscarelli, Jr. also tried to imbue an epic feel to the film (e.g., building an actual ziggurat) and there are other nice touches (e.g., Maax is a charlatan magician).

If you are a fan of Swords & Sorcery movies and/or you want to be as pervy as our hero (watching Kiri bathe naked), you owe it to yourself to watch this 80's classic!

Movie Review: Red Sonja (1985)

This week, I wanted to give a shout out to a fun, if flawed, Swords & Sorcery romp that I watched many times on VHS when I was younger, "Red Sonja":

In this film, our titular character (played by newcomer Brigitte Nielsen) out is out to stop evil Queen Gedren (played by Sandahl Bergman), before the latter uses a powerful artifact of dark sorcery to destroy the world by flood and earthquake.  Sonja and Gedren have history: Sonja rejected Gedren's advances, so the Queen had Sonja raped and most of her family murdered.

Years later, after a magical spirit gives Sonja great sword fighting skills by and she receives training from a sword master to hone those skills, she finds that Gedren has also murdered her sister, a priestess guarding the Talisman (the aforementioned artifact of dark sorcery), whilst stealing the Talisman.  So, the Red One sets out to seek bloody vengeance (and also to save the world).

Along the way, she forms a motley party of adventurers (including Arnold Schwarzenegger playing a Conan the Barbarian expy), carves up anyone who stands in her way, and learns that not all men are evil.

This film has many, many drawbacks: Richard Fleischer, who directed "Conan the Destroyer" (1984), also helms this flick and "Red Sonja" shares many of the same problems, such as the dull direction, the significant departure from the dark, brooding, serious style of adult fantasy of "Conan the Barbarian" (1982), the weak story and lack of tension, the uninspired soundtrack, the cheap laughs, etc.

There is also plenty of bad acting and dialogue, such as this classic line:

Gedren... Where are youuuu?

Sandahl Bergman, who was supposed to be Sonja but declined, does a decent job of chewing scenery as the villain but Arnold mostly sleepwalks through completing his contractual obligations.

Speaking of which, as the third in Arnold's barbarian trilogy, this film was meant to be another Conan film but the producers ran into problems when they lost the rights to that character.  So, instead, they decided to change the main character.  Based on the character Red Sonya of Rogatino, Robert E. Howard's short story "The Shadow of the Vulture" (1934), Red Sonja is a swashbucking warrior woman popularized by Marvel Comics and set in R. E. Howard's Hyborian Age (also home to Conan the Barbarian).

Anyway, IMHO, "Red Sonja" is still fun if you take it for what it is, a lean 80s Action flick with 65 on screen murders, including the decapitation of the hapless sorcerer and one dude getting crushed to death.  The action choreography is mostly decent to good and the costume and production design (except for the Killing Machine, which was laughable even in the '80s) are excellent.

Indeed, I actually rate "Red Sonja" above "Conan the Destroyer," which I found to be rather dull.    "Red Sonja" is faster paced and filled with more action.  Queen Gedren is batshit insane and is at least funnier than the evil queen in "Conan the Destroyer".  And the kid sidekick (Prince Tarn) is way less annoying than Malak the Thief, actually has a character arc and proves to eventually be brave and useful.

Also, there's nothing really silly in "Red Sonja" on par with Zula (played by Grace Jones) wearing a tail or Andre the Giant in a rubber monster costume.

So, if you have some spare time and you're a fan of Swords & Sorcery, you could definitely do worse than spend 90 minutes back in the days of yore, when women were women and men mostly met the business end of Red Sonja's blade!

Literature Review: "Beyond the Black River" (1935)

This week, in honor of R.E. Howard's birthday on January 22nd, I wanted to discuss one of my favorite Swords & Sorcery yarns, the classic Conan the Barbarian tale "Beyond the Black River":

Although a ripping Sword & Sorcery tale (with gory action, savage imagery and fell magic), "Beyond the Black River" is also unusual and noteworthy for a Conan story in a number of ways.

Firstly, the viewpoint character for much of this tale is a young man named Balthus (likely the author's self-insert) who has travelled to the very edge of the civilized world to seek his fortune rather than everyone's favorite Cimmerian murder machine.  This allows us to see Conan from a somewhat different perspective.  Anyway, unfortunately, this is the worst possible time to visit Conajohara, the newest province of the Kingdom of Aquilonia carved out of the lands of the Picts, since an irate sorcerer named Zogar Sag is uniting thousands of Pictish warriors to wreak bloody vengeance!

Taking along his new sidekick, Conan discusses the rapidly deteriorating situation with Governor Valannus, and Valannus decides their own hope is to find the sorcerer in the jungle beyond the Black River and terminate him with extreme prejudice.  Accompanied by a dozen handpicked rangers, Conan and Balthus head off on their kill mission into the heart of darkness to prevent an apocalypse now.

As in Francis Ford Coppola's acclaimed retelling of Joseph Conrad's acclaimed novella, the plan quickly goes off the rails for Conan and Co, and young Balthus finds himself fighting for his life!

Much death and mayhem ensues.

“Civilization is unnatural. It is the whim of circumstance. And barbarism must ultimately triumph.”

One of the major themes of Conan's tales, the struggle between civilization and barbarism, is front and center in "Beyond the Black River."  Indeed, it drives the action since the two are in actual direct conflict.  However, there's a philosophical level as well: This is an unusually moody and reflective Conan story and the normally taciturn barbarian waxes at length about on the topic.    

For example, in his opinion, this latest Aquilonian land grab is dangerous and foolhearty and the barbarian explains to Balthus, "you Hyborians have expanded as far as you'll be allowed to expand."  There are signs of impending disaster, just like Aquilonia's last attempt to colonize barbarian lands, the southern marches of Cimmerian.

In another unusual move, Conan also reveals something of his past, that he was one of the reavers that sacked the fort-town Venarium, even though he hadn't reached 15 winters.  Testosterone practically oozes from the pages.

Another interesting point about "Beyond the Black River" is how much it resembles tale of the Old West, another great love of Messr Howard.  In fact, remove sorcerer Zogar Sag and the other supernatural elements and this story reads much like Howard's westerns, with the Picts standing in for Native Americans.

All in all, "Beyond the Black River" is one of Messr Howard's finest works, filled with both classic pulp action and melancholy philosophical ruminations.  It provides arguably the clearest picture of Conan, both in thought and in action.   Every fan of Swords & Sorcery should take a look!

Literature Review: "Ill Met in Lankhmar" (1970)

Happy Holidays!

This week, in honor of Fritz Leiber's birthday on December 24th, I wanted to discuss one of the most famous stories by the man who literally coined the phrase "Swords & Sorcery", "Ill Met in Lankhmar":

Winner of both the Hugo and Nebula awards for Best Novella, "Ill Met in Lankhmar" is a prequel to more than thirty years of stories about the adventurous duo.  It is filled with Leiber's trademark twists and turns and shows off his economical yet witty style.  There's humor in his tongue-in-cheek tone and his world building is excellent, as the city of Lankhmar comes to life in these pages.

This ripping yarn  reveals "[t]he second and decisive meeting of Fafhrd and the Gray Mouser," two of the most famous figures in Swords & Sorcery.  One dark night, two members of the Thieves' Guild steal some valuable jewels but are, in turn, bushwhacked by a pair of independent operators, Fafhrd and the Grey Mouser.  After getting really drunk, the new soul mates (there's a clear bromance brewing) decide to behead Krovas, Grandmaster of the Thieves' Guild, at the behest of their girlfriends, despite Krovas being one of the most powerful mortals in the world.

Of course, it all goes horribly wrong.

I really wanted to like this story but I couldn't get past that we are meant to treat Fafhrd and the Gray Mouser as heroes, when they are not nice guys.  Setting aside that they are murderhobos (all they do in kill people and take their stuff), the adventurous duo exhibit some sociopathy in this story, including the murder of a helpless child.  Plus, there's the fact that Fafhrd is a deadbeat dad who abandoned his baby mama for some girl he randomly meets.

However, Leiber glosses all this over in the interest of presenting them positively.

Given Leiber's influence on the development of Dungeons & Dragons (see Appendix N of the AD&D Dungeon Master's Guide), another point that should have been in the story's favor is how much it reads like an RPG session.

Fafhrd and the Grey Mouser meet randomly when they are independently trying to rob the robbers.  There's no real reason why they should trust each other and form a party.  This is fine for an RPG but not so much for a story.

Further, there's the adventurous duo plan and disguises to infiltrate the Thieves' Guild.  Both are unbelievable and if there was any realism to "Ill Met in Lankhmar", Fafhrd and the Grey Mouser would have been immediately made, outed and executed.

If I was the DM, I would ask the players *REALLY* want to do this.  If they insisted, as an Old Schooler, I would let the dice fall where they may and then explain that the players need to roll up new characters.

TV Review: "Korgoth of Barbaria" (2006)

[NB- this post is a slightly revised version of one that I published earlier]

This week, I wanted to give a shout out to a show that might have challenged "Berserk" (1997) as arguably the greatest Swords & Sorcery TV series of all time, "Korgoth of Barbaria":

A great "What if?", "Korgoth of Barbaria" was a pilot episode created by Aaron Springer and produced by Cartoon Network for Adult Swim.    This ripping yarn cranks the amps up to 11 as our eponymous hero (clearly inspired by Conan the Barbarian) carves a red path through a post-apocalyptic future Earth (clearly inspired, at least in part, by the classic cartoon Thundarr the Barbarian), in a orgy of death, sex and more death.  However, rather than grim dark, the show always has a sense of humor.

"The Great Cities have risen and fallen. Civilization's grip on mankind has grown weak and arthritic. Dark forces seek to renew forgotten covenants, and primordial beasts reclaim the wilderness. Out of the frozen north, a man emerges - a man of a barbaric age, whose merciless savagery may be the only key to his survival. They call him Korgoth!"

This show is metal, and I'm not just talking about the hard rock intro and soundtrack.  The violence is copious and WAY over the top.  The men are various shades of ugly, while the women are all lovely, voluptuous and highly sexualized.  Pretty much every frame of "Korgoth of Barbaria" could have been ripped from the pages of Métal Hurlant (known in America as Heavy Metal Magazine).  Korgoth's world is grim, violent, dirty and sexy, sometimes all at once:

"Korgoth of Barbaria" deftly veers between homage and parody.  On the one hand, the story works fine as a ripping Sword & Sorcery yarn, where the Conan-esque protagonist cleaves his way through mooks and monsters, beds a lusty wench and battles an evil sorcerer.  On the other hand, the show, as the tongue-in-cheek title suggests, also is clearly having a fun time in the process.  For example:

Scrotus: You! You will regret what you have done this day. I will make you regret ever being born! You're going to wish you'd never left your mother's womb, where it was warm, and safe, and wet. I'm going to show you pain you never knew existed. You're going to see a whole new spectrum of pain, like a rainbow!  

Hargon: You tell 'em Scrotus! [screams as Korgoth crushes his head some more]  

Scrotus: But! This rainbow...is not just like any other rainbow, it's… [gets interrupted by Korgoth ripping his skin off]

The production values, writing and direction for this show were great.  Diedrich Bader's gravelly voice is perfect as the titular character, bringing just the right amounts of world weariness, wit, menace and humor.  It's a madcap thrill ride where the viewer never knows what to expect- "They're riding giant pigeons?"

Despite critical acclaim and strong fan support, Cartoon Network reversed its decision to pick up Korgoth of Barbaria and canceled the show after only the pilot episode.  Apparently, it was too expensive to continue.

So, we can only imagine what might have been.  Still, any fan of Sword & Sorcery would do themselves a disservice if they didn't take a look at this fun and funny modern take on the genre.

TV Review: "Berserk" (1997)

This week, I wanted to give a shout out to arguably the greatest Swords & Sorcery TV series of all time, "Berserk" (1997):

In this world, is the destiny of mankind controlled by some transcendental entity or law? Is it like the hand of God hovering above? At least it is true that man has no control; even over his own will.

And so begins this ripping yarn that masterfully combines an epic dark fantasy narrative, ridiculously awesome action and philosophical musings!  An adaptation of the best-selling manga with the same name, "Berserk" follows a young mercenary named Guts as he (literally) carves his way through a low fantasy world reminiscent of late medieval/early renaissance Europe.  This unfortunate place is plagued with constant warfare and endures a level of everyday violence and brutality that makes Westeros seem like Disneyland!

Confusingly, this anime starts with an episode in the manga's Black Swordsman arc then quickly shifts back to the manga's Golden Age arc, where Guts is recruited by the brilliant and charismatic leader of the Band of the Hawk mercenary group, Griffith.  The viewer follows the Band of the Hawk's rise to glory among various blood-soaked battlefields, while Griffith plays a devious and equally deadly game of political machinations.

In addition to enough blood and violence to trigger a moral panic, Beserk features an amazing soundtrack that, fittingly, highlights or underscores the narrative.  Furthermore, the narrative is filled with excellent character beats, such that even minor characters get some surprising depth.  This more than makes up for animation quality that is average, at best, for the time.

In the Golden Age arc, Guts and the Band of the Hawk face danger, betrayal and demonic shenangians at every turn.  Fortunately, Guts possesses effectively unlimited willpower, a zero [expletives] given attitude, and arguably the coolest sword of all time!  This sucker is so huge it makes a daiklave from Exalted look like a kid's toy!

Really, the only major flaw to "Berserk" (1997) is that it ends on an epic cliffhanger... which was addressed by the new series "Berserk" (2016) currently airing in Japan, that picks up immediately afterward!

Literature: "Elric of Melniboné" (1972)

This week, let's take a look at Michael Moorcock's seminal Swords & Sorcery novella "Elric of Melniboné":

Elric of Melniboné follows the eponymous protagonist, Emperor of the titular island nation of  Melniboné, fend off the multiple blatant and unclever attempts of his cousin Yrkoon to usurp the crown.

The story works both as a straightforward Swords & Sorcery yarn, but also as a deliberate deconstruction of the genre: Elric is physically weak and dependent on drugs, highly flawed and a master of dark sorcery.  This is where the novella shines, as Moorcock is intentionally playing against the archetype.

There's also an interesting gothic and moody vibe with the protagonist as the doomed ruler of a doomed people.

Unfortunately, Moorcock shatters my sense of disbelief with an unbelievable (in several senses of the word) own goal at the very end: he tries to play up the tragic angle by making Elric a complete moron and by making the Melnibonéans completely unrealistic: placing would-be usurper Yrkoon as regent should rightly shatter confidence in Elric and his government.  Furthermore, Yrkoon's heel-turn is telegraphed from approximately a bazillion miles away.

I realize that Moorcock is trying to show that Elric is different from the rest of his people because he is thoughtful and capable of mercy.  However, by flying in the face of common sense and basic self-preservation, he merely comes across as unbelievably stupid.   For example, Elric pointedly ignores the prudent advice of his trusted advisors, while offering nonsensical counterarguments.

I also realize that this work was written over 40 years ago, but if one attempts to defend the above idiocy on those grounds, they are admitting that the story is horribly dated, as successful modern authors are typically far more sensible on matters of political science (at least post-Babylon 5).  I mean, even Ned Stark would do the smart thing and kill Yrkoon!

Literature: "Queen of the Black Coast" (1934)

Today, I wanted to touch upon a vintage Swords & Sorcery tale, the great "Queen of the Black Coast" (1934) by R. E. Howard:

While this is ripping yarn generally acknowledged as one of R. E. Howard's finest Conan of Cimmeria entries and while I generally agree with this assessment, something about this story has always irked me.  Specifically, at the beginning, Conan walks into the courthouse open carrying his broadsword and apparently no one tried to relieve him of his obviously lethal instrumentality.  One might argue that the court staff was cowed into submission...except that the judge's behavior obviously indicates otherwise.

This utter lack of self-awareness or sense of self-preservation by the court staff broke my suspension of disbelief.

ಠ_ಠ

Next, Conan brutally murders the judge in cold blood because the latter dared to ask the barbarian displeasing questions.  Leaving aside the issue of the Cimmerian's obvious sociopathy in killing an innocent person, making the court staff unbelievable stupid is, well, unbelievable.  Really, the whole beginning reads like Howard's revenge porn against some authority figure that irked him personally.

Howard then resorts to massive Plot Armor in order to prevent the logical conclusion of this scenario (i.e., Conan's capture and execution).

O_o

Thereafter, "Queen of the Black Coast" kicks into high gear and becomes a fine heroic fantasy story, featuring perhaps the most interesting supporting character in all of the original Conan works, Bêlit, "the wildest she-devil unhanged."

But that first speed bump is a doozie.