Literature Review: "Shadows in Zamboula" (1935)

It's been a while since I've covered anything Swords & Sorcery.  So, this week, I wanted to discuss another one of best Conan the Barbarian yarns, wherein Messr Howard skillfully blends both Swords & Sorcery and straight Horror elements, the classic tale "Shadows in Zamboula":

"PERIL hides in the house of Aram Baksh!"

So exhorts an elderly desert nomad to Conan, trying to warn the barbarian against staying in a suspiciously cut rate tavern in Zamboula, run by the aforementioned Aram Baksh.  However, Conan  is almost broke, having already sold his horse, and has already prepaid for the room so...

I typically prefer the Conan stories with everyone's favorite Cimmerian as a wandering adventurer rather than as a king/general.  "Shadows in Zamboula" falls into the former category, which finds our protagonist once again somewhat down on his luck in Zamboula, a melting pot of different peoples:

"Here, centuries ago, the armies of Stygia had come, carving an empire out of the eastern desert. Zamboula was but a small trading town then, lying amidst a ring of oases, and inhabited by descendants of nomads. The Stygians built it into a city and settled it with their own people, and with Shemite and Kushite slaves. The ceaseless caravans, threading the desert from east to west and back again, brought riches and more mingling of races. Then came the conquering Turanians, riding out of the East to thrust back the boundaries of Stygia, and now for a generation Zamboula had been Turan's westernmost outpost, ruled by a Turanian satrap."

Conan doesn't have to wait long for his next plot coupon as that very night, the local cannibals attempt to ambush the Cimmerian in the room that Aram Baksh cunningly trapped to assist the cannibals but the maneaters end up on the wrong side of a broadsword.  However, before the barbarian can even the score with the innkeeper he has to save a damsel in distress and then open up a big can of whoop ass on some evil cultists.

He also dispenses some frontier justice on Aram Baksh before leaving town.

As befits a ripping S&S yarn, "Shadows in Zamboula" features Howard's vigorous and imaginative writing.  The story leaps from the page with only an economy of words.  Conan murders a bunch of evil doers and also proves to be cleverer than he looks: throughout much of the novelette, the barbarian is seemingly led around by his penis, but in fact is nobody's fool, which leads to a nice twist ending.

A fun, fast pulp fiction romp, "Shadows in Zamboula" is filled with action and has a nice blend of mystery, horror, dark sorcery and a bit of nudity.  A must read for fans of Swords & Sorcery!

RPG Events: TotalCon 2018

Like last year, I again attended this year's TotalCon!

And again, for the most part, much fun was had, although there were a couple notable hiccups this time:

Firstly, there was an enormous line to receive my con documents, since a bunch of people showed up during lunchtime and there was only one person processing attendees (there are a second person at the door to the registration room who basically wasn't doing anything very productive and apparently wasn't able to also process attendees), so it took an inordinate amount of time and I nearly missed a game.

Secondly, I did unfortunately have a game during the con that featured my two biggest RPG pet peeves: 1) railroading, and 2) player v. player, better known as PvP (which led to a TPK)!  Some people may enjoy those, but not me.

Particularly, the PvP was in the form of a plant among the players who had his own agenda.  This, IMHO, is especially unfair in a convention setting because, even if one suspects something is going on, does one act?  What if you are wrong and you kill the PC?  Will that ruin the game for someone who paid attendance?

Another thing that was somewhat negative was that, during my Astonishing Swordsmen & Sorcerers of Hyperborea game, once again  I called out the "twist" that the hidden enemy were Snake Men.  But, at least the scenario wasn't a poorly done rip off of RE Howard's classic Conan yarn "Shadows in Zamboula"!


Nevertheless, overall, I thought TotalCon 2018 was quite a good time.


I did have the chance to play the Legend of the Five Rings RPG for the first time, which was interesting.

Legend of the Five Rings (usually abbreviated L5R) began as a card game.  The RPG uses a "roll and keep" dice pool mechanic (like Exalted, only d10s) where the player seeks to roll over a target number (unlike Exalted, in which the player counts successes).  There's an interesting "raise" mechanic, where the player can voluntarily increase the target number in exchange for greater success.

L5R is set in the fictional empire of Rokugan, which is a faux feudal Japan with a smattering of other influences.  The background is quite detailed and really adds a lot to the experience by providing deeper character immersion.


I also got a chance to get in a bunch of Old School play with my old AD&D DM, who linked the ends of the classic modules B4: The Lost City and X1: The Isle of Dread!

B4: The Lost City by Tom Moldvay is a dungeon crawl cum mini-setting.  Clearly inspired by RE Howard's classic Conan yarns "Xuthal of the Dusk" and "Red Nails," B4 also has a lost, stagnant, drug-addled and dying culture, and the PCs are able to play off/against various native factions.

X1: The Isle of Dread by David "Zeb" Cook and Tom Moldvay is among the most widely played of all Dungeons & Dragons modules, since it was included with the D&D Expert Set.  Inspired by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's "Lost World," "King Kong," and other elements, X1 is an excellent wilderness hex crawl.

Literature Review: "The Tower of the Elephant" (1933)

This week, in honor of R.E. Howard's birthday on January 22nd, I wanted to give a shout out to another ripping yarn by the greatest of Swords & Sorcery authors, "The Tower of the Elephant":

adapted as part of the 1982 Conan the Barbarian film.


owned by the evil sorceror Yara

black magic


mystery

Ahead of him he saw, looming against the sky, the Tower of the Elephant. He mused, wondering why it was so named. No one seemed to know. He had never seen an elephant, but he vaguely understood that it was a monstrous animal, with a tail in front as well as behind. This a wandering Shemite had told him, swearing that he had seen such beasts by the thousands in the country of the Hyrkanians; but all men knew what liars were the men of Shem.

gonzo, sci-fi elements

D&D adventure

meet up of PCs

Conan sensed the man's great belly shaking in laughter, but it was not derisive. "By Bel, god of thieves!" hissed Taurus. "I had thought only myself had courage to attempt that poaching. These Zamorians call themselves thieves—bah! Conan, I like your grit. I never shared an adventure with anyone, but by Bel, we'll attempt this together if you're willing."

compassion

Tears rolled from the sightless eyes, and Conan's gaze strayed to the limbs stretched on the marble couch. And he knew the monster would not rise to attack him. He knew the marks of the rack, and the searing brand of the flame, and tough­souled as he was, he stood aghast at the ruined deformities which his reason told him had once been limbs as comely as his own. And suddenly all fear and repulsion went from him, to be replaced by a great pity. What this monster was, Conan could not know, but the evidences of its sufferings were so terrible and pathetic that a strange aching sadness came over the Cimmerian, he knew not why. He only felt that he was looking upon a cosmic tragedy, and he shrank with shame, as if the guilt of a whole race were laid upon him.

Movie Review: Red Sonja (1985)

This week, I wanted to give a shout out to a fun, if flawed, Swords & Sorcery romp that I watched many times on VHS when I was younger, "Red Sonja":

In this film, our titular character (played by newcomer Brigitte Nielsen) out is out to stop evil Queen Gedren (played by Sandahl Bergman), before the latter uses a powerful artifact of dark sorcery to destroy the world by flood and earthquake.  Sonja and Gedren have history: Sonja rejected Gedren's advances, so the Queen had Sonja raped and most of her family murdered.

Years later, after a magical spirit gives Sonja great sword fighting skills by and she receives training from a sword master to hone those skills, she finds that Gedren has also murdered her sister, a priestess guarding the Talisman (the aforementioned artifact of dark sorcery), whilst stealing the Talisman.  So, the Red One sets out to seek bloody vengeance (and also to save the world).

Along the way, she forms a motley party of adventurers (including Arnold Schwarzenegger playing a Conan the Barbarian expy), carves up anyone who stands in her way, and learns that not all men are evil.

This film has many, many drawbacks: Richard Fleischer, who directed "Conan the Destroyer" (1984), also helms this flick and "Red Sonja" shares many of the same problems, such as the dull direction, the significant departure from the dark, brooding, serious style of adult fantasy of "Conan the Barbarian" (1982), the weak story and lack of tension, the uninspired soundtrack, the cheap laughs, etc.

There is also plenty of bad acting and dialogue, such as this classic line:

Gedren... Where are youuuu?

Sandahl Bergman, who was supposed to be Sonja but declined, does a decent job of chewing scenery as the villain but Arnold mostly sleepwalks through completing his contractual obligations.

Speaking of which, as the third in Arnold's barbarian trilogy, this film was meant to be another Conan film but the producers ran into problems when they lost the rights to that character.  So, instead, they decided to change the main character.  Based on the character Red Sonya of Rogatino, Robert E. Howard's short story "The Shadow of the Vulture" (1934), Red Sonja is a swashbucking warrior woman popularized by Marvel Comics and set in R. E. Howard's Hyborian Age (also home to Conan the Barbarian).

Anyway, IMHO, "Red Sonja" is still fun if you take it for what it is, a lean 80s Action flick with 65 on screen murders, including the decapitation of the hapless sorcerer and one dude getting crushed to death.  The action choreography is mostly decent to good and the costume and production design (except for the Killing Machine, which was laughable even in the '80s) are excellent.

Indeed, I actually rate "Red Sonja" above "Conan the Destroyer," which I found to be rather dull.    "Red Sonja" is faster paced and filled with more action.  Queen Gedren is batshit insane and is at least funnier than the evil queen in "Conan the Destroyer".  And the kid sidekick (Prince Tarn) is way less annoying than Malak the Thief, actually has a character arc and proves to eventually be brave and useful.

Also, there's nothing really silly in "Red Sonja" on par with Zula (played by Grace Jones) wearing a tail or Andre the Giant in a rubber monster costume.

So, if you have some spare time and you're a fan of Swords & Sorcery, you could definitely do worse than spend 90 minutes back in the days of yore, when women were women and men mostly met the business end of Red Sonja's blade!

Literature Review: "Beyond the Black River" (1935)

This week, in honor of R.E. Howard's birthday on January 22nd, I wanted to discuss one of my favorite Swords & Sorcery yarns, the classic Conan the Barbarian tale "Beyond the Black River":

Although a ripping Sword & Sorcery tale (with gory action, savage imagery and fell magic), "Beyond the Black River" is also unusual and noteworthy for a Conan story in a number of ways.

Firstly, the viewpoint character for much of this tale is a young man named Balthus (likely the author's self-insert) who has travelled to the very edge of the civilized world to seek his fortune rather than everyone's favorite Cimmerian murder machine.  This allows us to see Conan from a somewhat different perspective.  Anyway, unfortunately, this is the worst possible time to visit Conajohara, the newest province of the Kingdom of Aquilonia carved out of the lands of the Picts, since an irate sorcerer named Zogar Sag is uniting thousands of Pictish warriors to wreak bloody vengeance!

Taking along his new sidekick, Conan discusses the rapidly deteriorating situation with Governor Valannus, and Valannus decides their own hope is to find the sorcerer in the jungle beyond the Black River and terminate him with extreme prejudice.  Accompanied by a dozen handpicked rangers, Conan and Balthus head off on their kill mission into the heart of darkness to prevent an apocalypse now.

As in Francis Ford Coppola's acclaimed retelling of Joseph Conrad's acclaimed novella, the plan quickly goes off the rails for Conan and Co, and young Balthus finds himself fighting for his life!

Much death and mayhem ensues.

“Civilization is unnatural. It is the whim of circumstance. And barbarism must ultimately triumph.”

One of the major themes of Conan's tales, the struggle between civilization and barbarism, is front and center in "Beyond the Black River."  Indeed, it drives the action since the two are in actual direct conflict.  However, there's a philosophical level as well: This is an unusually moody and reflective Conan story and the normally taciturn barbarian waxes at length about on the topic.    

For example, in his opinion, this latest Aquilonian land grab is dangerous and foolhearty and the barbarian explains to Balthus, "you Hyborians have expanded as far as you'll be allowed to expand."  There are signs of impending disaster, just like Aquilonia's last attempt to colonize barbarian lands, the southern marches of Cimmerian.

In another unusual move, Conan also reveals something of his past, that he was one of the reavers that sacked the fort-town Venarium, even though he hadn't reached 15 winters.  Testosterone practically oozes from the pages.

Another interesting point about "Beyond the Black River" is how much it resembles tale of the Old West, another great love of Messr Howard.  In fact, remove sorcerer Zogar Sag and the other supernatural elements and this story reads much like Howard's westerns, with the Picts standing in for Native Americans.

All in all, "Beyond the Black River" is one of Messr Howard's finest works, filled with both classic pulp action and melancholy philosophical ruminations.  It provides arguably the clearest picture of Conan, both in thought and in action.   Every fan of Swords & Sorcery should take a look!

Literature: "Queen of the Black Coast" (1934)

Today, I wanted to touch upon a vintage Swords & Sorcery tale, the great "Queen of the Black Coast" (1934) by R. E. Howard:

While this is ripping yarn generally acknowledged as one of R. E. Howard's finest Conan of Cimmeria entries and while I generally agree with this assessment, something about this story has always irked me.  Specifically, at the beginning, Conan walks into the courthouse open carrying his broadsword and apparently no one tried to relieve him of his obviously lethal instrumentality.  One might argue that the court staff was cowed into submission...except that the judge's behavior obviously indicates otherwise.

This utter lack of self-awareness or sense of self-preservation by the court staff broke my suspension of disbelief.

ಠ_ಠ

Next, Conan brutally murders the judge in cold blood because the latter dared to ask the barbarian displeasing questions.  Leaving aside the issue of the Cimmerian's obvious sociopathy in killing an innocent person, making the court staff unbelievable stupid is, well, unbelievable.  Really, the whole beginning reads like Howard's revenge porn against some authority figure that irked him personally.

Howard then resorts to massive Plot Armor in order to prevent the logical conclusion of this scenario (i.e., Conan's capture and execution).

O_o

Thereafter, "Queen of the Black Coast" kicks into high gear and becomes a fine heroic fantasy story, featuring perhaps the most interesting supporting character in all of the original Conan works, Bêlit, "the wildest she-devil unhanged."

But that first speed bump is a doozie.