Movie Review: Cleopatra (1963)

This week, I wanted to take a look at the movie that has the dubious distinction of being the only film ever to be the top-grossing film of the year to lose money at the box office, "Cleopatra":

An epic historical drama focusing on the famous Queen Cleopatra, the film focuses on her machinations to maintain her power and position in the face of the imperial ambitions of Rome.   But how is she supposed to do so, with Egypt hobbled by generations of corruption and incompetence?  The young queen must rely on her personal assets...

Loosely based on history, the film begins shortly after Caesar defeats Pompey Magnus at the Battle of Pharsalus to end Caesar's Civil War.  Pompey flees to Egypt and Caesar pursues, only to find his frenemy assassinated by the Egyptians.

Thereafter, Caesar is quickly involved (in several senses of the word) in the power struggle between Cleopatra and her brother/husband/co-ruler Ptolemy XIII Theos Philopator.  Cleopatra seduces the new leader of the Roman world and, after Caesar defeats her brother, bears him a son, Caesarion.

"A woman too must make the barren land fruitful. She must make life grow where there was no life. Just as the Mother Nile feeds and replenishes the Earth, I am the Nile. I will bear many sons. Isis has told me. My breasts are full of love and life. My hips are rounded and well apart. Such women, they say, have sons."

However, after the would-be king kicks the bucket (Et tu, Brute?), Cleopatra then seduces his old friend, Mark Anthony, who has formed the Second Triumvirate with Octavian, Caesar's great-nephew and adopted son, and Marcus Aemilius Lepidus, another of Caesar's generals.

Like the First Triumvirate, the Second Triumvirate, is an alliance of convenience that breaks down and leads to a showdown between Mark Anthony, with Cleopatra as ally, and Octavian.  At the Battle of Actium, Cleopatra inexplicably chickens out and flees, causing by her doomed lover to follow and abandoned his troops.

With a run time of over 4 hours, "Cleopatra" was an epic (in several senses of the word) mess.  Originally budgeted at $2 million, the film rapidly ballooned out of control.  20th Century Fox fired original director Rouben Mamoulian after 2 years, $7 million, and only 10 minutes of film!  Replacement director Joseph L. Mankiewicz was able to complete the film, sort of.

Mankiewicz worked to sheer exhaustion directing by day and writing by night, with little sleep.  The resulting movie is a mish-mash of love triangle, battle scenes and over the top grandeur.  "Cleopatra" has a stellar cast but Elizabeth Taylor isn't able to carry the lead.  For example, Queen Cleopatra VII Philopator, the last active ruler of the Ptolemaic Kingdom of Egypt, was one of the most interesting figures of Anquity, a diplomat, naval commander, polyglot, and medical author.  However, not much of that background makes it to the silver screen.

So, if you want to see sparks fly between Liz Taylor and Richard Burton (they had a scandalous affair during production) or if you like old Hollywood Epics, this is an okay film.  Otherwise, check out a better and more accurate take of Cleopatra and Mark Anthony in Season 2 of Rome!

Movie Review: Spartacus (1960)

This week, I wanted to give a shout out to the film that set the standard for every big budget Sword & Sandal movie that followed, "Spartacus":

Produced and headlined by legendary actor Kirk Douglas and directed by the legendary Stanley Kubrick, "Spartacus" is loosely based upon the historical figure of the same name and events of the Third Servile War (73–71 BC).

The film opens with the gifted but rebellious Spartacus sentenced to death for attacking a guard in a hard labor mine but spared after Roman businessman Lentulus Batiatus purchases the fiery slave for his gladiatorial school in Capua.  There, he becomes a skilled combatant and meets his love interest, Varinia.

Once day, two powerful Roman nobles and their wives visit the gladiatorial school and demand a pair of death matches.  One of the nobles is the general and politician Marcus Licinius Crassus, who would later form the First Triumvirate with his rival Pompey the Great and his political and financial client Julius Caesar.

The death matches upset the gladiators, who rise up and kill their handlers, and soon the rebellion engulfs southern Italy.  Spartacus leads his new slave army to early victory over the Romans, but betrayal forces a decisive showdown with new legions led by Crassus.

A thoughtful film, Spartacus isn't a ripping Sword & Sandal yarn.  Some of the proselytizing is heavy-handed, but the political scenes are handled deftly, as are the battle scenes.  The acting style is also a product of its time.

Overall, the film was a critical and commercial success.  Winner of 4 Academy Awards, Spartacus also ended the Hollywood blacklist when Kirk Douglas demanded that screenwriter Dalton Trumbo be credited under his own name and President-elect John F. Kennedy crossed American Legion picket lines to view the film.

So, if you're looking for an Epic in the old Hollywood tradition (Spartacus has a cast of over 10,000 and a 3 hour 20 min runtime, including overture and intermission), this may be the film for you!

Movie Review: Hercules, Samson and Ulysses (1963)

This week, I wanted to give a shout out to a ripping Sword & Sandal yarn that puts together two great tastes that taste great together and that kicks more butt than you can shake a Bible at, "Hercules, Samson and Ulysses":

Exotic lands!  Dangerous women!  Evil tyrants!  Legendary heroes!  Mighty thews!  This movie has it all!

The action begins in Ithaca, where a fearsome sea monster (*cough*sea lion*cough*) is ravaging the coast.  Brave Hercules, crafty Ulysses and a few redshirts ship out to stop the beast but end up shipwrecked in Judea!  Meanwhile, Samson is hiding out from the Philistines for killing a number of their men and generally resisting their rule.

Then, there's a bit of mistaken identity when Hercules slays a lion with his barehands, since only one guy is supposed to be able to do that...

Meanwhile, the Philistine King engages in a bit of ethnic cleaning and kidnaps Hercules' friends, with the help of sexy troublemaker Delilah.  To free them, Hercules has to bring in the rebel Samson, setting up the epic no holds barred smackdown of the ages!

Made toward the end of the golden age of peplum films, "Hercules, Samson and Ulysses" is as good (or bad) as you might expect.  This is fun film about manly men and superheroes teaming up to fight evil.  It is a (mostly) lighthearted romp that is gloriously and unabashedly cheesy (e.g, there's an obvious English language dub, the "rocks" are clearly Styrofoam, etc.) but in a way that simply adds to the charm.

The story is straightforward but not aggressively stupid.

The fight scenes are good in a chop socky way and the acting is played straight is mostly effective, with some fun flirting between Hercules and Delilah.  Also, it is super nice to see real sets and animals rather than CGI!  And the ladies are easy on the eyes.

So, if you want to see big, beefy, sweaty dudes wrestling in a totally not homoerotic way, check out this classic flick!

TV Review: "Rome" (2005-07)

This week, I wanted to give a shout out to a show that is one of the greatest historical drama TV series of all time, HBO/BBC's "Rome":

First off, I want to say that this series (or at least Season One) is friggin' Awesome!

"Rome" is an epic show with a sprawling cast of interesting characters that covers the death throes of the Roman Republic and the rise of the Roman Empire.  Filled with personal and political machinations, the show chronicles how various individuals and factions ruthlessly vie for power, with Julius Caesar and later his nephew Augustus carving their way to the top over an enormous pile of bodies, shaking Rome and her people to the core.

Our viewpoint characters are Lucius Vorenus and Titus Pullo, who are based on a pair of Roman soldiers mentioned in Caesar's Commentarii de Bello Gallico, though there are some obvious changes from the source material.  In addition to showing the plebeian side of things, this odd couple provides humor and much of the action of the show.

In fact, Vorenus and Pullo are basically PCs in an RPG, to whom all kinds of ridiculous and implausible things happen (including escaping being marooned on a island with a raft made of driftwood and corpses!) as they repeatedly play a role at key historic events.  Indeed, a one point, Caesar muses whether to get rid of them but decides against raising a hand against ones so obviously favored by the gods!

Setting itself apart from lesser historical dramas, producer Bruno Heller's "Rome" is big, sweeping, brutal and unapologetic.  Of course, there's the graphic sex and violence ("Rome" was what "Game of Thrones" is now known for), but more importantly, this ambitious show recreates and brings ancient Rome to life with lavish sets and costumes and superb writing, direction, and acting.

While not historically accurate beyond broad sweeps (a number of the details are incorrect or fictionalized for dramatic purposes), what "Rome" definitely gets right is the feel of the time and place.  A big part of this is that these Romans, while the height of civilization for the time, clearly do not have our sense of morality.

Also, Vorenus and Pullo are ridiculous killing machines and anyone getting on their bad side might die at the drop of a hat!

"Rome" does have some flaws, chief of which is the lack of major battles scenes.  Super disappointing!

There are also big jumps in time that are scarcely covered with a line of dialogue, particularly in Season Two.  This can be quite confusing at times and is particularly bad in Season Two (when Messr Heller learned that the series wouldn't not be extended so he crammed in multiple seasons worth of material).

Season Two also suffering in comparison to Season One in terms of a lead actor: James Purefoy (playing Mark Anthony) simply lacks the gravitas of Ciarán Hinds (playing Julius Casear) and failed to carry the production in the same way.

Still, the overall quality of the show is excellent.  So, if you are a history buff, political scheming or a fan of Sword & Sandal, this show is right up your alley!

Movie Review: Gladiator (2000)

This week, I wanted to take a look at the film that's kicked off the latest round of Historical Epic and Sword & Sandal romps, "Gladiator":

First of all, I want to state up front that calling this movie "historical" has to be taken with a gigantic asteroid of salt!  Anyway, "Gladiator" follows the rise and fall... and rise of the fictional Maximus Decimus Meridius as he transitions from general to slave to the titular gladiator.

The film begins with the final battle of the Marcomannic Wars, which ends with a decisive Roman victory by Maximus while Emperor Marcus Aurelius watches.  Afterward, Marcus Aurelius declares to his son, Commodus, that the latter will not be Emperor (NB- this didn't happen in real life) because the former wants to dissolve the Empire and to restore the Roman Republic (NB- this didn't happen in real life).  However, rather than enjoying his much longed for peace, the Emperor instead enjoys being smothered to death by Commodus (NB- this didn't happen in real life).

Maximus is not down with this regime change and attempts a coup d'etat.  However, wily Commodus  remains one step ahead and Maximus ends up a slave after his family is murdered.  The former general is sold and trained as a gladiator and proves to be unstoppable!

Meanwhile, Commodus decides to host a massive and hugely expensive series of gladiatorial fights to distract the populace from the failings of his rule.  As the A #1 hotshot, Maximus and his friends are off to Rome.  This sets up a collision course between the two men that can only be settled with cold steel on the hot sand of the Colosseum!

While it won Best Picture at the Academy Awards (robbing Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon IMHO), "Gladiator" basically just a fun popcorn flick.  The movie has excellent action scenes, high production values and a wonderful score.  Additionally, it deserves credit for reinvigorating the Historical Epic and Sword & Sandal genres and increasing the public's interest in history generally.

However, director Ridley Scott again shows his inability to elevate source material: when he has a great script, he can produce a great movie (e.g., Alien, Blade Runner, Thelma & Louise, Black Hawk Down, The Martian).  When the scripts are not great, his films are stylish and visually stunning but not much else.  This is the case here, as "Gladiator" is ultimately a vapid tale filled with forgettable characters. 

So, if you're looking for a ripping Sword & Sandal yarn, this movie is just fine.  But if you're looking for a somewhat more historical take on ancient Rome, the HBO television series is much, much better in every other category.

Thirteen!

Gamebook Review: "Bloodfeud of Altheus" (1985)

Last year, I discussed the seminal Choose Your Own Adventure (CYOA) series of gamebooks and the legendary Lone Wolf series by Joe Dever.  Today, I wanted to look at another excellent, if under appreciated, RPG gamebook, the first entry in the Cretan Chronicles trilogy, "Bloodfeud of Altheus":

In the days of yore, I spent many, many hours pouring over the ancient tales from Greek mythology: the trials of mighty Heracles, the battles of the Trojan War, the foibles of various mortals and deities, the general dickishness of Zeus.  One of my favorite yarns was the story of Theseus and the dreaded Minotaur, so it's not surprising that I took a shine to this series.

In the Cretan Chronicles, things went a bit differently- Theseus has been slain at the heart of the labyrinth of Minos!  It falls to his younger brother Altheus, played by you, to finish Theseus' quest and to seek vengeance for your fallen kin.

Traveling through mythic Greece, you strive to prove yourself a true Achaean hero as you face numerous challenges, mortal and otherwise.  The gamebook also rewards knowledge of Greek mythology, as a number of familiar names pop up.

The Cretan Chronicles series is perhaps the best blending of rules and setting in a gamebook.  Unlike other gamebook series, which mostly used generic rules, the Cretan Chronicles attempted to model  the feel and pathos of Greek mythology.  For example, in "Bloodfeud of Altheus," you are supposed to role-play the titular character in a suitably heroic manner.

To "encourage" such, there's the infamous Honor/Shame mechanic, where you gain Honor points for honorable actions and you also gain Shame points for (you guessed it) shameful actions.  Most notably, you were supposed to kill yourself if your Shame exceeded your Honor- and if you didn't Zeus does it for you with a thunderbolt!

Respect My Authoritah!

This gamebook is also notable for its hint mechanic.  At numerous points in the story, you have the option of performing a non-standard action.  Be wary, for if you choose to do something that No Greek Hero would do, you will be penalized!  In addition, the book's notion of what is appropriate for a Greek Hero is sometimes very arbitrary and even bizarre- a great emulation of the source material!

Another nice detail is your relationships with six different gods and goddesses.  You select a Patron deity among them, each of which has different in-game effects, and are Favored/Neutral/Disfavored by the rest, which affects your story at various points.

So, if you are a fan of Greek myths and/or Old School gaming, grab your sword, slip on your himation and read this gamebook- or die of Shame!

Movie Review: Hercules (2014)

This week, I wanted to give a shout out to an under appreciated film that's the best Sword & Sandal romp in recent years, "Hercules":

While it did reasonably well at the box office and it does have flaws, Hercules, in my humble opinion, still hasn't gotten quite the love I think it deserves.

I'm not trying to suggest that Hercules belongs in the same category as a Gladiator (2000) or a Conan the Barbarian (1982), but as a popcorn action flick, it is more than serviceable.  Based on the graphic novel Hercules: The Thracian Wars, our story finds Hercules (played by the Rock) after he has completed his twelve legendary labors: Banished from Athens, he sells his sword (well, club actually, which is pretty neat since that's an underrepresented heroic weapon) for coin.  Lord Cotys of Thrace offers Hercules his weight in gold and hijinks ensue.

As you might expect, director Brett Ratner is workmanlike, and the work behind the camera is competent but not particularly noteworthy.  Set and costume design are better, and I particularly like that the film's use of CGI is more limited and subtle than it might otherwise be.  The action is solid and worth the price of admission, as is the writing, which never has any eye rolling or groan worthy moments.

Even better is the cast: Of note is Ian McShane chewing scenery with relish, but I particularly liked Dwayne Johnson (aka The Rock), who apparently spent 6 months training for the movie and is absolutely jacked (selling the physicality of the titular role).  Additionally, Messr Johnson's acting has come light years from The Scorpion King, to the point where Hercules' pathos is reasonably believable.


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I know that some people were disappointed by the "twist" that Hercules is a mere mortal (though, some of his onscreen feats belie that point) and his "legendary labors" were actually military missions undertaken by he and his team and then embellished by his PR guy.  However, that didn't bother me: conversely, I thought it was an interesting and refreshing take on the character.

Plus, the movie, at its core, is a classic D&D adventure: a group of adventurers meet in a tavern, face trials and tribulations, and eventually defeat the evil king.

So, if you're looking for a ripping Sword & Sandal yarn, you could do worse than this movie.  In fact, you need go no further than the other Hercules film released that summer.